Everywhere I turn ruins surround me: broken homes, broken families, broken people and broken lives. Even the buildings and towering architecture, once the pride and glory of man, reflect the ruined state of this country.
Ashes sift in the wind from the burnt buildings, and just as quickly as the flames consumed this security of man so too the flames destroy the hope of man. Even so, brightly, for one brief moment burns the flame, then it fades into oblivion and the ravished are left to grope in darkness.
Reality sets in as I gaze around me into chaos and disorder. People are just people, in every nation, country or tongue— we are the same. Each has his struggle, weakness, misery, secret, joy, happiness, dream and hope.
Atlas has shrugged and left the weight of the world to rest on our weary shoulders. Each of us has paused under the weight, the heavy pressure that would crush and consume us.
Each day as I walk down the road, I witness the struggle of those who bear this heavy burden that I no longer carry. I see the men God created to be strong and tall reduced by the greed and cruel desires of others, often family, and by so many forces into what people call Lady-Boys.
Maybe their family had no daughters, but still wanted to have the motorcycle or the flat screen television the neighbors can afford now that they have sent one or two of their daughters to the big city to sell the one possession they have. So the family chose the most feminine looking of their sons or the least valued and placed him on female hormones for a few years before getting him the surgery and sending him to the city as a Lady-Boy to sell himself. Or maybe after years of abuse and rape by men in his life, often temple monks, the wounded young man followed a horrific path never meant for him to more pain and wounds.
Truly, many of these Lady-Boys who flash smiles at me before resuming the dance of shame under a vacant mask are more delicate and beautiful than I could ever dream of being. Yet, never would I envy the ruins in which they live.
Nite is my favorite Lady-Boy of all. She smiles so brightly as we embrace and chat each day. She sometimes holds my hand and she loves posing for pictures. She is obsessed with beauty and dreams of being light skinned and having light eyes. She tells me I am so beautiful and pulls one of my curls. She smiles, laughs and beats me at pool every time I play her. The other girls fuss just as much over this Lady-Boy as any other member of their bar family. She is one of them and for the first time in her life, she is accepted and belongs-to a certain extent.
In the most horrible circumstances my friends live. With smiles, soft voices, laughter, humor and a ton of makeup they so diligently wear their masks and try to hide their bruises, wounds and pain. To show emotion, especially pain, is a shameful weakness, unacceptable culturally.
In their minds, the ruins in which they live were built by their own hand alone and no one else’s. When they are choked, it is because they talk too much and when they are beat it is only bad karma they earned from a previous life.
The ruins surround and overwhelm me. Where is civilization? Yet just as the Phoenix rises from the ashes, so too do I glimpse a glittering glimmer of hope through the ashes for once my life was a ruin and I too carried the burdens of the world which were crushing my spirit. But another took my burden and from the ruins of my fallen life He made me into His own beautiful image with love and tender hands.
How I wish my beautiful friends would meet my Savior and be forever freed from the crushing weight of the world they carry on their shoulders and from the masks they are forced to wear. How I wish they would meet my Lord
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Eye of the Storm
Lighting rolls across the sky as thunder roars on this dark starless night. In the very heart and eye of the storm there is peace to be found. In this age, and in every age before and hence, tragedy, injustice, strife and turmoil ripple across the land.
Today, I witnessed tragedy in the eyes of a young prostitute as she wept before Buddha, begging health for her family who sent her to work the streets and forgiveness for her wretched state and cursed life. Society looks down upon her and even her family despises her. But this life is payment to Buddha for the bad karma earned in her previous life. Everything that happens to her has been earned by her own hand and is deserved. There is no such thing as mercy, only debt. In her mind, the only chance for peace and redemption lay in selling the one possession she has, her body, to take care of her family because Buddha says the ultimate good a woman can do is to care for her family at any cost and places little value on women.
If she were born a boy, serving in the temple as a Monk for a few weeks would earn enough good karma to outweigh a lifetime of bad and would bring unfathomable honor to the family. But, as a woman, in a family that is either poor or simply wants more wealth and prestige, duty, honor and Buddha require the ultimate sacrifice, a life of abuse and slavery to provide for those very ones who are so demanding and yet so ashamed of her existence.
Or, maybe she is a wife whose husband wants more money, so each day she slaves to take care of her family and each night she is dropped off by her husband to work the street. It is not the status of the girl in a family that determines her fate, it is the desires of others and the status of a gender Buddha did not consider worthy of value or honor.
Today I witnessed tragedy, as a woman, oppressed and scorned by the world, prayed and worshipped the very deity which enslaved her.
Yesterday I witnessed injustice as a hundred voices raised prayers to ears that do not hear and petitions to eyes that cannot see.
Barefoot, before the most elaborate statue of Buddha, I stood in the greatest and wealthiest temple in all Thailand. The voices required me to pay homage to their great god, the idol made by the hands of man-- standing for an unjust law created in the deceptive heart of man-- to bow before him on bended knee and lift up my pleas. No sacrifice or respect will I grant to that false god enslaving billions and leading them astray.
Quickly I fled the temple, my only sacrifice is the tears I weep for this people who reject the Alpha and Omega for a tottering statue decorated by the creative mind of man.
I smiled as I saw the foundations of the temple were cracked and God’s nature was peeking through, eager to overtake and pull down the lies and schemes of man. All this will pass away. Every lie will be exposed. Every idol built up by man, especially those built on the sweat and blood of others, will fall.
Is there a distinction between the strife of the poor, the blind, the deaf, the cripple and the turmoil that rages in the hearts of nations? Their cries echo in my ears as their seemingly hopeless plight reflects strange and horrible lights from their still vacant eyes.
One day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess who is Lord and it will not be Buddha. Only One name will endure and it will not be his. One day tragedy, injustice, strife and turmoil will be no more, nor shall we weep ever again. Truth will reveal every lie and each falsehood will be destroyed. The innocent, weak, and poor will be oppressed no longer. No deformity will exist among men and there will be no more beggars for all will find healing and answered prayers at the One True Temple.
Until that time, love is the greatest gift we have to reach the lost, wearied and hopeless souls in this world. One day Justice will reign, but until that day both the oppressed and the oppressor need the love and grace of Christ for both are enslaved.
Peace is found in the eye of the storm, for Christ is the center of all things. In Him all is and all is held together. As the rain pours down on this dark night, I pray it is the tears of Christ washing and renewing this desolate land.
Today, I witnessed tragedy in the eyes of a young prostitute as she wept before Buddha, begging health for her family who sent her to work the streets and forgiveness for her wretched state and cursed life. Society looks down upon her and even her family despises her. But this life is payment to Buddha for the bad karma earned in her previous life. Everything that happens to her has been earned by her own hand and is deserved. There is no such thing as mercy, only debt. In her mind, the only chance for peace and redemption lay in selling the one possession she has, her body, to take care of her family because Buddha says the ultimate good a woman can do is to care for her family at any cost and places little value on women.
If she were born a boy, serving in the temple as a Monk for a few weeks would earn enough good karma to outweigh a lifetime of bad and would bring unfathomable honor to the family. But, as a woman, in a family that is either poor or simply wants more wealth and prestige, duty, honor and Buddha require the ultimate sacrifice, a life of abuse and slavery to provide for those very ones who are so demanding and yet so ashamed of her existence.
Or, maybe she is a wife whose husband wants more money, so each day she slaves to take care of her family and each night she is dropped off by her husband to work the street. It is not the status of the girl in a family that determines her fate, it is the desires of others and the status of a gender Buddha did not consider worthy of value or honor.
Today I witnessed tragedy, as a woman, oppressed and scorned by the world, prayed and worshipped the very deity which enslaved her.
Yesterday I witnessed injustice as a hundred voices raised prayers to ears that do not hear and petitions to eyes that cannot see.
Barefoot, before the most elaborate statue of Buddha, I stood in the greatest and wealthiest temple in all Thailand. The voices required me to pay homage to their great god, the idol made by the hands of man-- standing for an unjust law created in the deceptive heart of man-- to bow before him on bended knee and lift up my pleas. No sacrifice or respect will I grant to that false god enslaving billions and leading them astray.
Quickly I fled the temple, my only sacrifice is the tears I weep for this people who reject the Alpha and Omega for a tottering statue decorated by the creative mind of man.
I smiled as I saw the foundations of the temple were cracked and God’s nature was peeking through, eager to overtake and pull down the lies and schemes of man. All this will pass away. Every lie will be exposed. Every idol built up by man, especially those built on the sweat and blood of others, will fall.
Is there a distinction between the strife of the poor, the blind, the deaf, the cripple and the turmoil that rages in the hearts of nations? Their cries echo in my ears as their seemingly hopeless plight reflects strange and horrible lights from their still vacant eyes.
One day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess who is Lord and it will not be Buddha. Only One name will endure and it will not be his. One day tragedy, injustice, strife and turmoil will be no more, nor shall we weep ever again. Truth will reveal every lie and each falsehood will be destroyed. The innocent, weak, and poor will be oppressed no longer. No deformity will exist among men and there will be no more beggars for all will find healing and answered prayers at the One True Temple.
Until that time, love is the greatest gift we have to reach the lost, wearied and hopeless souls in this world. One day Justice will reign, but until that day both the oppressed and the oppressor need the love and grace of Christ for both are enslaved.
Peace is found in the eye of the storm, for Christ is the center of all things. In Him all is and all is held together. As the rain pours down on this dark night, I pray it is the tears of Christ washing and renewing this desolate land.
The Mask
There are moments in life when time stands still; when the colorful horizon fails to spread its fingers across the dark sky and the dreary blackness creeps ever closer threatening our weary souls. It is in these times of darkness, chaos and pain we are either forever broken or through the tremendous fire we are reformed and built up stronger and wiser than before. These are the fires that test the heart of man, proving his character or devouring his soul.
Trials fill life. Everyday is a blessing and a challenge, a new beginning and a new ending. Everyday our true colors are revealed through our thoughts, words and deeds. No mask can forever hide the character of man, it only momentarily shields the colors slowly leaking through to eager eyes.
No one can hide from God. This is why the world tries so hard to forget and deny Him, for He sees us as we are and there is nothing we can do to stop His searching and knowing eyes. It is impossible for the world to forget God because He is our Father and we are made in His image.
His mark is over all creation, especially man, His crowning glory.
I wish for Him not to see me as I am, but as I would be. It is no wonder the world lives as it does and then desires to hide such shame from its Father.
What an honor that He sees beyond my mask, beyond all darkness and pain and loves me as I am. What glory that He overlooks my iniquities because of the crimson blood covering my shame.
Tonight does Time stand still? No, she is only an illusion and I am in the embrace of my Lord. His light surrounds me in this darkness as His strong arms guide me. The reasons for trials, pain, and these weary struggles I may never know. The fruit of this labor I may never see. The results I may never comprehend or imagine, but one thing I do know: His promises are true and to His word I cling this day and everyday. If I stand, I stand before my Lord and if I fall, I fall to my knees before His throne. Before Him I do not have to hide and could not even if I so desired.
Trials fill life. Everyday is a blessing and a challenge, a new beginning and a new ending. Everyday our true colors are revealed through our thoughts, words and deeds. No mask can forever hide the character of man, it only momentarily shields the colors slowly leaking through to eager eyes.
No one can hide from God. This is why the world tries so hard to forget and deny Him, for He sees us as we are and there is nothing we can do to stop His searching and knowing eyes. It is impossible for the world to forget God because He is our Father and we are made in His image.
His mark is over all creation, especially man, His crowning glory.
I wish for Him not to see me as I am, but as I would be. It is no wonder the world lives as it does and then desires to hide such shame from its Father.
What an honor that He sees beyond my mask, beyond all darkness and pain and loves me as I am. What glory that He overlooks my iniquities because of the crimson blood covering my shame.
Tonight does Time stand still? No, she is only an illusion and I am in the embrace of my Lord. His light surrounds me in this darkness as His strong arms guide me. The reasons for trials, pain, and these weary struggles I may never know. The fruit of this labor I may never see. The results I may never comprehend or imagine, but one thing I do know: His promises are true and to His word I cling this day and everyday. If I stand, I stand before my Lord and if I fall, I fall to my knees before His throne. Before Him I do not have to hide and could not even if I so desired.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Unknown
I do not know where you are from, nor do I understand the language you speak. I do not know who has loved you or failed to love you in this brief life. What has brought you here to this place, this lifestyle, I will never know just as I will never know the depth of the unspoken wounds hidden deep within your broken and pining heart.
From across the world I came to tell you of the greatest love man has ever known, but my language is foreign to you just as I am foreign to you. What tomorrow holds for us I cannot say. What today brings who can tell?
All I do know is that God has blessed me with this one brief moment to share His unconditional love with you despite the past and regardless of the future. God is love and love transcends all boundaries and barriers.
So day by day we sit, hand-in-hand, watching the seconds turn to minutes, the minutes to days and the days to weeks. Maybe someday, someone will be able to tell you Who sent me and about the great love that called me to cross oceans to sit beside you, to accept you as you are and love you without cause or judgment. Maybe one day you will know the freedom in which I live and the graceful love that gave it to me. Until that day, I leave you in the Hands of my Lord and I love you because He first loved me.
From across the world I came to tell you of the greatest love man has ever known, but my language is foreign to you just as I am foreign to you. What tomorrow holds for us I cannot say. What today brings who can tell?
All I do know is that God has blessed me with this one brief moment to share His unconditional love with you despite the past and regardless of the future. God is love and love transcends all boundaries and barriers.
So day by day we sit, hand-in-hand, watching the seconds turn to minutes, the minutes to days and the days to weeks. Maybe someday, someone will be able to tell you Who sent me and about the great love that called me to cross oceans to sit beside you, to accept you as you are and love you without cause or judgment. Maybe one day you will know the freedom in which I live and the graceful love that gave it to me. Until that day, I leave you in the Hands of my Lord and I love you because He first loved me.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Unexpected Light Amidst Darkness
Once I was asked “Who is the most famous person you have ever known?”
“Jesus Christ” was my instant response.
“No really, I’m being serious.” said my Christian friend.
I have beheld the face of our Lord this week. His light I have seen quite literally in the darkest and least expected places.
First I saw Him at Soi 4 as I was sitting, weary and exhausted, on a lonely bar stool facing a busy street. A bar girl I have often seen working but never had a chance to speak to, with the most beautiful sweet face and kind eyes came to me with a gift. She saw me looking tired and discouraged and brought me my favorite food in all Thailand, the sweet rose-apple. She came to me and said “Marwy, you are hungry? I bring this for you. We are friends Marwy? I like you. We will be friends?” She knew my name and extended me friendship and love even though I had done nothing to earn or deserve her gift or kindness. In her unsuspecting and kind generosity, I saw the face of my Lord.
Again I saw his face, as I held the hand of a young man who is an X-monk, a Christian, and a hurting and struggling homosexual. Together we wept as we beheld the work of Our Lord in our lives and the paths we have walked and the struggles we have faced. I never believed I could have so much in common with a man from across the earth or form such a bond. But Christ’s love has no limits just as His grace and forgiveness know no bounds. He is the tie that holds us together in love and hope. All other ties may be severed, but never the one we have with and in Christ.
Next, I saw Him in the dark night sky and in deep waters as we casually floated through the heart of Thailand. His brilliant lights do not twinkle from the night sky alone. On this particular night His stars glimmered above while their beautiful reflections shimmered from the dark water and the light of millions of fireflies lit up the forest and banks on both sides of the river. The tiny glimmers of light pierced the darkness and taught me that Light is to be found where and when we least expect it. Just to drive home His point, occasionally He lit the entire night with a vivid light that split the sky and showered a spectrum of colors upon the entire world that I have never witnessed before.
Then, I saw him in the eyes and laughter of a dozen children and adults living together in what most would consider a run-down slum: laughing, splashing and enjoying the rising tide that came to wash their eager shores. With such hope and love amidst such poverty how could one not be encouraged and join in? They will spend their entire lives bathing in the river. I spent only a moment, yet it is a moment that will linger with me the rest of my life.
Finally, I saw Him in the heart of a tiny Thai girl as she sweetly sang “Jesus loves me and I love Him, for this I know.” It may not be quite the version we know and sing, but it was the same tune from a sister heart loving and praising her Lord.
This week I have beheld the face of my Lord. His Light shines over the face of the entire earth. Sometimes we cannot see it and other times we are so fortunate to catch glimpses. But it is always easier to see something when we are looking for it. I hope to keep my eyes open, for He is everywhere perceptibly and imperceptibly changing the face of this land and the territory of our hearts.
Psalm 19
The heavens are telling of the glory of God;
And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2Day to day pours forth speech,
And night to night reveals knowledge.
3There is no speech, nor are there words;
Their voice is not heard.
4Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their utterances to the end of the world
In them He has placed a tent for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber;
It rejoices as a strong man to run his course.
6Its rising is from one end of the heavens,
And its circuit to the other end of them;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.
10They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.
12Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.
13Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;
Let them not rule over me;
Then I will be blameless,
And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.
“Jesus Christ” was my instant response.
“No really, I’m being serious.” said my Christian friend.
I have beheld the face of our Lord this week. His light I have seen quite literally in the darkest and least expected places.
First I saw Him at Soi 4 as I was sitting, weary and exhausted, on a lonely bar stool facing a busy street. A bar girl I have often seen working but never had a chance to speak to, with the most beautiful sweet face and kind eyes came to me with a gift. She saw me looking tired and discouraged and brought me my favorite food in all Thailand, the sweet rose-apple. She came to me and said “Marwy, you are hungry? I bring this for you. We are friends Marwy? I like you. We will be friends?” She knew my name and extended me friendship and love even though I had done nothing to earn or deserve her gift or kindness. In her unsuspecting and kind generosity, I saw the face of my Lord.
Again I saw his face, as I held the hand of a young man who is an X-monk, a Christian, and a hurting and struggling homosexual. Together we wept as we beheld the work of Our Lord in our lives and the paths we have walked and the struggles we have faced. I never believed I could have so much in common with a man from across the earth or form such a bond. But Christ’s love has no limits just as His grace and forgiveness know no bounds. He is the tie that holds us together in love and hope. All other ties may be severed, but never the one we have with and in Christ.
Next, I saw Him in the dark night sky and in deep waters as we casually floated through the heart of Thailand. His brilliant lights do not twinkle from the night sky alone. On this particular night His stars glimmered above while their beautiful reflections shimmered from the dark water and the light of millions of fireflies lit up the forest and banks on both sides of the river. The tiny glimmers of light pierced the darkness and taught me that Light is to be found where and when we least expect it. Just to drive home His point, occasionally He lit the entire night with a vivid light that split the sky and showered a spectrum of colors upon the entire world that I have never witnessed before.
Then, I saw him in the eyes and laughter of a dozen children and adults living together in what most would consider a run-down slum: laughing, splashing and enjoying the rising tide that came to wash their eager shores. With such hope and love amidst such poverty how could one not be encouraged and join in? They will spend their entire lives bathing in the river. I spent only a moment, yet it is a moment that will linger with me the rest of my life.
Finally, I saw Him in the heart of a tiny Thai girl as she sweetly sang “Jesus loves me and I love Him, for this I know.” It may not be quite the version we know and sing, but it was the same tune from a sister heart loving and praising her Lord.
This week I have beheld the face of my Lord. His Light shines over the face of the entire earth. Sometimes we cannot see it and other times we are so fortunate to catch glimpses. But it is always easier to see something when we are looking for it. I hope to keep my eyes open, for He is everywhere perceptibly and imperceptibly changing the face of this land and the territory of our hearts.
Psalm 19
The heavens are telling of the glory of God;
And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2Day to day pours forth speech,
And night to night reveals knowledge.
3There is no speech, nor are there words;
Their voice is not heard.
4Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their utterances to the end of the world
In them He has placed a tent for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber;
It rejoices as a strong man to run his course.
6Its rising is from one end of the heavens,
And its circuit to the other end of them;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.
10They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.
12Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.
13Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;
Let them not rule over me;
Then I will be blameless,
And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Rose-Colored Glasses
I passed by a family I saw sleeping on the road my first night today. The little baby boy was running around naked. When he saw me he screamed and ran up to me with his arms held out. It broke my heart. I wanted to pick him up and wash him and clothe him. I was already passing by when he saw me and ran to me. He grabbed my skirt and clung to my leg. I smiled down at him but I could not take him with me.
We go to the bars every day and spend time with the girls. They squeal in excitement when they see us coming and we play several games of pool with them. Sometimes we bring them bread from the market. We buy them pineapple or orange drinks too. We have a great time but foremost in our thoughts are the masks they wear and the lives they are being forced to live.
Sometimes at night we go to the GoGo bars and walk around Nano Plaza. Hundreds of girls are there for sale and they walk around with numbers on. At some of the places the girls walk around upstairs without clothes on. All the men who buy them can see are the numbers on their boots from down below. They buy them without ever seeing their faces.
We talk to the girls at the bars and they are animated and sweet. Then when they have to get up and dance on the stage naked or mostly naked with bright neon lights and mirrors filling the entire room, with all the men saying and doing various things, their faces turn into masks.
Vacant eyes stare out from the faces that pray they will please Buddha enough in this life to have a better spot next go around. We see Buddha's everywhere with food, drinks and incense surrounding them. They girls pray to be purified constantly and for forgiveness for the lives they are living. It is truly so tragic.
Several of the girls have responded to our invitations to check out beginnings and one even came home with us. Beginnings offers them a different chance at life away from the bars. They finish school and are taught trades. They are given allowances to send home to their families. It's not much, but some of them don't make much. They are basically indentured servants to the bars and all their pay goes to the bars. They have a quota of customers they must meet every month and most of the money made from that goes to their demanding families.
Often, even if they would make more money at Beginnings the families will not allow them to leave the bars. They still obey their parents even when they are 43-years-old and still prostituting at a bar half-way across the country.
Two girls we met (one was 36, but we refer to all of them as girls) have become Christians, but they cannot leave the bars because their families told them Beginnings might traffic them and they were not allowed to leave the safety or lifestyle the bar has provided them. Their families are hoping they will find foreign husbands who will provide for the families. When a Thai woman marries a man, he marries her entire family and he become his responsibility to provide for them. The girls asked us to pray for them and we did. They asked that we pray for their families-- their parents health and for their brothers and sisters. They never mentioned any specific need they had or asked us to pray for themselves at all-just for others.
Now I understand why the Lady of Shallot in Lord Alfred Tennyson's poem died after she turned from the rose colored mirror through which she saw the perfect and beautiful world. She had known her whole life that if she were to stop seeing and weaving the beautiful images she saw of the world through her rose-glassed mirror that an unknown curse would come upon her. So she ignored the true world and kept weaving in her happy oblivion. Then one day Sir Lancelot came riding by on his beautiful noble steed with his strong armor, flashy shield, shiny helmet, coal black hair and dashing smile. She couldn't stop herself. She ran to the window and looked at the world as it truly is for the first time because she had to truly see him, and not through a mirror. It was beautiful. She saw the water lily bloom and she saw the love of her life. But the magical mirror cracked side to side and her loom broke in two. "The curse has come upon me" she cried. She could never go back to the other world she had known because she realized it never truly existed and of course her mirror had cracked! She left the tower for the first time in her life and gazed down towards Camelot in a strange, somber and quiet trance. She stepped into a boat and floated down the river towards Camelot. Floating down the river and singing in her song, she died.
Now, I'm not going to float down any rivers in a boat as the mythical Lady of Shallot, nor do I have any morbid dates with my Eternal Destination at this particular moment in time that I am aware of. But I love the poem in which the Lady of Shallot lives and the truth behind it, even though it has a most tragic ending. Unlike the Lady of Shallot, however, my story and the story of all those who know our Lord ends differently. It is a far cry from tragedy.
But so many of us live as she did, with our rose-colored glasses, not seeing the world as it is but as we want it to be. We do not see the destitute or the child prostitute on our doorstep because it would just ruin the rose-world in which we live. As I'm with the girls and see the things going on I think of how in a month I will leave them and return to my lovely parents and friends and to my beautiful home and most blessed life. They will still be here. Years from now, I will stop and wonder if they made it out or not.
I think this verse over and over again: Psalms 46:10-11
Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.The LORD of hosts is with us.The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
Truly we are blessed people. We have so much opportunity at our fingertips and when we simply open our eyes to the truths of the world their is so much good we can do. But we cannot help those around us and right before our eyes if we do not look to see them. When we do see them, our world will be forever altered. It does not have to be a death or a horrible change. We cling to the promises that God has given us and do the best we can to love and obey Him and lead others to the freedom and hope we have found in Him alone.
James 1:26-27If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
We go to the bars every day and spend time with the girls. They squeal in excitement when they see us coming and we play several games of pool with them. Sometimes we bring them bread from the market. We buy them pineapple or orange drinks too. We have a great time but foremost in our thoughts are the masks they wear and the lives they are being forced to live.
Sometimes at night we go to the GoGo bars and walk around Nano Plaza. Hundreds of girls are there for sale and they walk around with numbers on. At some of the places the girls walk around upstairs without clothes on. All the men who buy them can see are the numbers on their boots from down below. They buy them without ever seeing their faces.
We talk to the girls at the bars and they are animated and sweet. Then when they have to get up and dance on the stage naked or mostly naked with bright neon lights and mirrors filling the entire room, with all the men saying and doing various things, their faces turn into masks.
Vacant eyes stare out from the faces that pray they will please Buddha enough in this life to have a better spot next go around. We see Buddha's everywhere with food, drinks and incense surrounding them. They girls pray to be purified constantly and for forgiveness for the lives they are living. It is truly so tragic.
Several of the girls have responded to our invitations to check out beginnings and one even came home with us. Beginnings offers them a different chance at life away from the bars. They finish school and are taught trades. They are given allowances to send home to their families. It's not much, but some of them don't make much. They are basically indentured servants to the bars and all their pay goes to the bars. They have a quota of customers they must meet every month and most of the money made from that goes to their demanding families.
Often, even if they would make more money at Beginnings the families will not allow them to leave the bars. They still obey their parents even when they are 43-years-old and still prostituting at a bar half-way across the country.
Two girls we met (one was 36, but we refer to all of them as girls) have become Christians, but they cannot leave the bars because their families told them Beginnings might traffic them and they were not allowed to leave the safety or lifestyle the bar has provided them. Their families are hoping they will find foreign husbands who will provide for the families. When a Thai woman marries a man, he marries her entire family and he become his responsibility to provide for them. The girls asked us to pray for them and we did. They asked that we pray for their families-- their parents health and for their brothers and sisters. They never mentioned any specific need they had or asked us to pray for themselves at all-just for others.
Now I understand why the Lady of Shallot in Lord Alfred Tennyson's poem died after she turned from the rose colored mirror through which she saw the perfect and beautiful world. She had known her whole life that if she were to stop seeing and weaving the beautiful images she saw of the world through her rose-glassed mirror that an unknown curse would come upon her. So she ignored the true world and kept weaving in her happy oblivion. Then one day Sir Lancelot came riding by on his beautiful noble steed with his strong armor, flashy shield, shiny helmet, coal black hair and dashing smile. She couldn't stop herself. She ran to the window and looked at the world as it truly is for the first time because she had to truly see him, and not through a mirror. It was beautiful. She saw the water lily bloom and she saw the love of her life. But the magical mirror cracked side to side and her loom broke in two. "The curse has come upon me" she cried. She could never go back to the other world she had known because she realized it never truly existed and of course her mirror had cracked! She left the tower for the first time in her life and gazed down towards Camelot in a strange, somber and quiet trance. She stepped into a boat and floated down the river towards Camelot. Floating down the river and singing in her song, she died.
Now, I'm not going to float down any rivers in a boat as the mythical Lady of Shallot, nor do I have any morbid dates with my Eternal Destination at this particular moment in time that I am aware of. But I love the poem in which the Lady of Shallot lives and the truth behind it, even though it has a most tragic ending. Unlike the Lady of Shallot, however, my story and the story of all those who know our Lord ends differently. It is a far cry from tragedy.
But so many of us live as she did, with our rose-colored glasses, not seeing the world as it is but as we want it to be. We do not see the destitute or the child prostitute on our doorstep because it would just ruin the rose-world in which we live. As I'm with the girls and see the things going on I think of how in a month I will leave them and return to my lovely parents and friends and to my beautiful home and most blessed life. They will still be here. Years from now, I will stop and wonder if they made it out or not.
I think this verse over and over again: Psalms 46:10-11
Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.The LORD of hosts is with us.The God of Jacob is our stronghold.
Truly we are blessed people. We have so much opportunity at our fingertips and when we simply open our eyes to the truths of the world their is so much good we can do. But we cannot help those around us and right before our eyes if we do not look to see them. When we do see them, our world will be forever altered. It does not have to be a death or a horrible change. We cling to the promises that God has given us and do the best we can to love and obey Him and lead others to the freedom and hope we have found in Him alone.
James 1:26-27If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
Bangkok
After traveling for two straight days we arrived in Thailand around midnight on Thursday. We luckily made it to the residence we would be staying at before 1 a.m. I say luckily because stop signs, rode lines and other road laws are more of a suggestion than rules to be followed seriously. The only rule in foreign driving appears to universally be don't get hit or hit another driver!
The streets of Bangkok are wild and alive at night. We saw some crazy things that I won't mention because I want to keep this email G rated for some of my more sensitive viewers...
We burn during the day and freeze to death at night. We are so lucky to get to use the air condition though. I'd rather freeze than burn. I had only one thin "Buzz Light Year" blanket that was about two feet shorter than me! It was really funny. Either my feet or my shoulders were not covered unless I tried sleeping in a small ball-which just isn't going to happen. They gave me another blanket the other night and it is long enough!
Magical bug bites keep appearing all over my body and itch. I have no idea what is eating me, but I must be quite the delicious foreign delicacy because it keeps coming back for more. Oh the small joys in life! We have a shower too, although the spout is only about 4 feet off the ground!
Yeah-that's another one of those funny interesting scenarios that I won't go into... I am thankful for the evil bed bugs, short showers, cold air and counting my blessings in general. That first night on the way to the apartment I saw so many women with little children just laying on the side of the road. They had little babies sleeping beside them out in the hot, dangerous and un-sheltered night. We are so lucky for our bed bugs.
The food is very interesting and usually great. I have eaten some very strange things. I can't even tell you what they were. Yes, there were some bugs involved, but no roaches...I think.
In the mornings I teach a girl named Nim English. In the afternoons I go with the other girls to pool halls and play pool and build relationships with the girls. After that I will go every other night around 6 to a GoGo bar and meet and build relationships with the girls there. We will always return from the GoGo bars before 9:30 because that is when the young bucks arrive and things get wild. I cannot even express to you the things that happen here. It is tragic to say the least.
Buddhism has really hurt this country. It makes family ties strong in certain ways and yet makes daughters an easy and more willing sacrifice in another. Everything bad that happens to the girls, abuse and even gang rape, is just a matter of Carma. They earned it in another life and it is not considered abuse. Men beating women is considered a form of communication not abuse (actual words from a Thai woman). If they send enough money to their family through prostitution in this life, then they won't have to live a life of degradation and shame in the next.
Sometimes it is their husbands and boyfriends who force them into prostitution as a second job for some extra cash. So they are trafficked and prostituted, sometimes willingly for their demanding families. It is their sacred duty. There is so much more but I will leave it at that for now.
As I look at the sweet girls around me it is difficult to believe they came from the streets and years of abuse and shame.
On Sundays we go to the Thai church and pretend to pay attention to the pastor. (Please people, shed those judgmental eyes-it's in Thai so I can't understand a word of it. It sounds like the teacher on Charlie Brown "Wa wa wa wa wa.") I enjoyed making up my own praise songs to God and singing them to the rhythm of the Thai songs that were being sung. Some of the people probably thought I was singing Thai. It's better than singing "Watermelon Watermelon" which I hear is the thing to do when you do not know the words of a song. I figured we are in to church to praise God so I am going to praise Him! It was great!
The streets of Bangkok are wild and alive at night. We saw some crazy things that I won't mention because I want to keep this email G rated for some of my more sensitive viewers...
We burn during the day and freeze to death at night. We are so lucky to get to use the air condition though. I'd rather freeze than burn. I had only one thin "Buzz Light Year" blanket that was about two feet shorter than me! It was really funny. Either my feet or my shoulders were not covered unless I tried sleeping in a small ball-which just isn't going to happen. They gave me another blanket the other night and it is long enough!
Magical bug bites keep appearing all over my body and itch. I have no idea what is eating me, but I must be quite the delicious foreign delicacy because it keeps coming back for more. Oh the small joys in life! We have a shower too, although the spout is only about 4 feet off the ground!
Yeah-that's another one of those funny interesting scenarios that I won't go into... I am thankful for the evil bed bugs, short showers, cold air and counting my blessings in general. That first night on the way to the apartment I saw so many women with little children just laying on the side of the road. They had little babies sleeping beside them out in the hot, dangerous and un-sheltered night. We are so lucky for our bed bugs.
The food is very interesting and usually great. I have eaten some very strange things. I can't even tell you what they were. Yes, there were some bugs involved, but no roaches...I think.
In the mornings I teach a girl named Nim English. In the afternoons I go with the other girls to pool halls and play pool and build relationships with the girls. After that I will go every other night around 6 to a GoGo bar and meet and build relationships with the girls there. We will always return from the GoGo bars before 9:30 because that is when the young bucks arrive and things get wild. I cannot even express to you the things that happen here. It is tragic to say the least.
Buddhism has really hurt this country. It makes family ties strong in certain ways and yet makes daughters an easy and more willing sacrifice in another. Everything bad that happens to the girls, abuse and even gang rape, is just a matter of Carma. They earned it in another life and it is not considered abuse. Men beating women is considered a form of communication not abuse (actual words from a Thai woman). If they send enough money to their family through prostitution in this life, then they won't have to live a life of degradation and shame in the next.
Sometimes it is their husbands and boyfriends who force them into prostitution as a second job for some extra cash. So they are trafficked and prostituted, sometimes willingly for their demanding families. It is their sacred duty. There is so much more but I will leave it at that for now.
As I look at the sweet girls around me it is difficult to believe they came from the streets and years of abuse and shame.
On Sundays we go to the Thai church and pretend to pay attention to the pastor. (Please people, shed those judgmental eyes-it's in Thai so I can't understand a word of it. It sounds like the teacher on Charlie Brown "Wa wa wa wa wa.") I enjoyed making up my own praise songs to God and singing them to the rhythm of the Thai songs that were being sung. Some of the people probably thought I was singing Thai. It's better than singing "Watermelon Watermelon" which I hear is the thing to do when you do not know the words of a song. I figured we are in to church to praise God so I am going to praise Him! It was great!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Purpose
Is there any greater aspect of life than finding ones purpose and fulfilling it with the precious little time we have been given? If life is a journey, then the purpose is to find the path our Creator has made and walk upon the trail He has left. Sometimes the journey is difficult, the trail uncertain and treacherous. We are to walk in His steps and glory in the works of His hands.
Through each part of the journey we see glimpses of our Creator and His love for us and all the works of His hands. His sun kisses our face. His gentle breeze sifts our hair in the whispering wind. We may dance to the rhythm of His singing brooks or rest in the comfort of His protected pastures. His trees shade our journey and His stars guide us at night while singing His praise to all creation. His mark is upon all creation. His work is undeniable and the path He has left us is clear even in the murkiest darkness. His steps will lead us to places of wonder and beauty beyond compare and to places of darkness and terror.
If we will only trust in Him, if we do not despair or fall to fear and terror, if we keep our eyes upon His word, then His light will guide all our steps as we follow the way He has already overcome.
What the horizon holds we cannot know. Few things are certain in this life, but the path we choose and the journey we make determine how and where we spend eternity. The journey breaks us and shapes us into the men and women God has created us to be. The purpose is this: to walk with our Creator, to know and to love Him.
At the beginning of our journey we are uncertain and coarse, but by the end eternity beckons us to be forever with our Lord. Only one path leads us to Him. I pray we embrace and enjoy the path leading us through this life and glorify His name and works whether we are climbing mountains, strolling through valleys, swimming the deepest seas—whether we are refreshed or striving against the elements surrounding and striving against us.
The greatest feat to be accomplished in this life is not accomplished by our mighty hand or our impossible deeds. It is accomplished by His hand alone in His own timing. Perhaps we will live to see the fruit of this great labor or perhaps others will come upon it along their journeys and we will never know or see the fruit of our labor. Some would call us fools and question what difference can one life make?
But if we walk in His way and trust in Him, we can rest assured that no life lived for our Lord and no deed, whether great or small, is ever wasted, especially if He is the only one to see it. It is before God alone we stand justified, not man.
Matthew 5: 16
"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Colossians 3:16-17
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Through each part of the journey we see glimpses of our Creator and His love for us and all the works of His hands. His sun kisses our face. His gentle breeze sifts our hair in the whispering wind. We may dance to the rhythm of His singing brooks or rest in the comfort of His protected pastures. His trees shade our journey and His stars guide us at night while singing His praise to all creation. His mark is upon all creation. His work is undeniable and the path He has left us is clear even in the murkiest darkness. His steps will lead us to places of wonder and beauty beyond compare and to places of darkness and terror.
If we will only trust in Him, if we do not despair or fall to fear and terror, if we keep our eyes upon His word, then His light will guide all our steps as we follow the way He has already overcome.
What the horizon holds we cannot know. Few things are certain in this life, but the path we choose and the journey we make determine how and where we spend eternity. The journey breaks us and shapes us into the men and women God has created us to be. The purpose is this: to walk with our Creator, to know and to love Him.
At the beginning of our journey we are uncertain and coarse, but by the end eternity beckons us to be forever with our Lord. Only one path leads us to Him. I pray we embrace and enjoy the path leading us through this life and glorify His name and works whether we are climbing mountains, strolling through valleys, swimming the deepest seas—whether we are refreshed or striving against the elements surrounding and striving against us.
The greatest feat to be accomplished in this life is not accomplished by our mighty hand or our impossible deeds. It is accomplished by His hand alone in His own timing. Perhaps we will live to see the fruit of this great labor or perhaps others will come upon it along their journeys and we will never know or see the fruit of our labor. Some would call us fools and question what difference can one life make?
But if we walk in His way and trust in Him, we can rest assured that no life lived for our Lord and no deed, whether great or small, is ever wasted, especially if He is the only one to see it. It is before God alone we stand justified, not man.
Matthew 5: 16
"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Colossians 3:16-17
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Love
Tragedy has many names, but is recognized by all. Sometimes, when tragedy strikes, there are words of comfort to be born and the touch of a compassionate and understanding hand. Other times, no such words are to be found, nor can another truly understand the profound depths of the agony in our desperate souls. Broken love is the greatest tragedy of all, representing this broken world. God is love. Love is the root of all good in this world and the absence of love is the root of all evil.
Broken love, between God and man, between family, or between friends is the greatest tragedy of all because it so closely portrays the broken state of this dark and chaotic world. Tragedy has touched the surface of every heart and chilled the marrow from the bones of this world leaving its structure brittle, fragile and unforgiving. What solace is to be found in these trying times?
Our only security in this life or the next is Christ. He is the true Comforter and our source of strength when we have none. He is our compassionate Lord who understands. He is the friend who stands beside us through the deep night watches when our fragile souls tremble at the reality surrounding and choking us.
It is in our darkest and most desperate hours that His light shines in us and through us the brightest.
In your tragedy and dark hour, I pray you seek the face of the true Comforter and the one friend who will never disappoint or betray you. I pray that God envelopes you in His love and so bountifully pours His love into your life that His love overflows from you to impact those around you in the most profound way.
Matthew 22:36-38
36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
37And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
38"This is the great and foremost commandment.
Luke 10:27
27And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
Broken love, between God and man, between family, or between friends is the greatest tragedy of all because it so closely portrays the broken state of this dark and chaotic world. Tragedy has touched the surface of every heart and chilled the marrow from the bones of this world leaving its structure brittle, fragile and unforgiving. What solace is to be found in these trying times?
Our only security in this life or the next is Christ. He is the true Comforter and our source of strength when we have none. He is our compassionate Lord who understands. He is the friend who stands beside us through the deep night watches when our fragile souls tremble at the reality surrounding and choking us.
It is in our darkest and most desperate hours that His light shines in us and through us the brightest.
In your tragedy and dark hour, I pray you seek the face of the true Comforter and the one friend who will never disappoint or betray you. I pray that God envelopes you in His love and so bountifully pours His love into your life that His love overflows from you to impact those around you in the most profound way.
Matthew 22:36-38
36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
37And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
38"This is the great and foremost commandment.
Luke 10:27
27And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
First Thoughts
For those who know Christ, every day is a new beginning full of hope and light. The slate is wiped clean. The old has been washed away and they are a new and transformed creature.
No past condemns us nor holds us in shame. Christ sacrificed all that we would live in the hope, joy and love of His eternal freedom. Life is a brief journey upon which we walk. The light surrounds us, guiding our steps that we will not fall.
But what hope have those who know not the light and love of our beloved Lord? Groping in darkness and struggling in chaos they seek from the world that which it can never give them. They long for freedom and yet in their ignorance and shame embrace chains. Wondering, whether aimless or purposeful is still wondering. Hope does not avail her face to these poor lost souls.
We see them. We recognize the pain and longing in their hopeless expression, for these burdens were once our own. We cringe at the burdensome chains they so desperately cling to and dream to take these from them so they may taste astounding depths of freedom and for the first time truly live. But these burdens are not ours to take. We are called to lives of obedience, to walk with God as Enoch did- to know and love Him. Wherever God has placed us, whatever strength He has given us, whatever passion so brightly consumes us, this is our personal mission from Him. Yet, no greater element exists than to know and walk with our Lord in obedience, love and truth.
We are silver in the hands of the Master Craftsman. Unpurified, dross contaminates us destroying all value. But, lovingly the Master Craftsman holds us into the most severe part of the fire to purge us of all dross. If He holds us a second to long, we will perish in the flame. But if He relieves us of the furious fire too quickly we will never have value because of the impurities which plague us. Our value, our worth, all that we are is found in Him alone. When He done purifying, bending, breaking, molding and shaping us, He will hold us up to the light and behold His own perfect and beautiful reflection, crisp and clear, from the finished craft.
We are called to be as He is, hope to the hopeless and light in the midst of the deepest darkness. Behold the radiant beauty of the stars which we are called to shine even more brightly than! Although distant and surrounded by complete and utter darkness, their light pierces the darkness and has guided man since the beginning.
Darkness flees from light; it cannot stand. No power of darkness can hold sway to the Light. If our lives would reveal His light and loving reflection in this dark and chaotic world, the darkness would tremble and fall before us. May our light shine so brightly as to guide those groping in darkness, encumbered by chains, so that our light will pierce their blindness and they may know our Lord and choose to leave behind the chains they so desperately cling to.
The ultimate goal of life is to know God and to glorify Him. Follow Him and His light will shine through you in such a way that not even the world will be able to deny His brilliant light. He is the only Hope of the world, the Light of Life.
No past condemns us nor holds us in shame. Christ sacrificed all that we would live in the hope, joy and love of His eternal freedom. Life is a brief journey upon which we walk. The light surrounds us, guiding our steps that we will not fall.
But what hope have those who know not the light and love of our beloved Lord? Groping in darkness and struggling in chaos they seek from the world that which it can never give them. They long for freedom and yet in their ignorance and shame embrace chains. Wondering, whether aimless or purposeful is still wondering. Hope does not avail her face to these poor lost souls.
We see them. We recognize the pain and longing in their hopeless expression, for these burdens were once our own. We cringe at the burdensome chains they so desperately cling to and dream to take these from them so they may taste astounding depths of freedom and for the first time truly live. But these burdens are not ours to take. We are called to lives of obedience, to walk with God as Enoch did- to know and love Him. Wherever God has placed us, whatever strength He has given us, whatever passion so brightly consumes us, this is our personal mission from Him. Yet, no greater element exists than to know and walk with our Lord in obedience, love and truth.
We are silver in the hands of the Master Craftsman. Unpurified, dross contaminates us destroying all value. But, lovingly the Master Craftsman holds us into the most severe part of the fire to purge us of all dross. If He holds us a second to long, we will perish in the flame. But if He relieves us of the furious fire too quickly we will never have value because of the impurities which plague us. Our value, our worth, all that we are is found in Him alone. When He done purifying, bending, breaking, molding and shaping us, He will hold us up to the light and behold His own perfect and beautiful reflection, crisp and clear, from the finished craft.
We are called to be as He is, hope to the hopeless and light in the midst of the deepest darkness. Behold the radiant beauty of the stars which we are called to shine even more brightly than! Although distant and surrounded by complete and utter darkness, their light pierces the darkness and has guided man since the beginning.
Darkness flees from light; it cannot stand. No power of darkness can hold sway to the Light. If our lives would reveal His light and loving reflection in this dark and chaotic world, the darkness would tremble and fall before us. May our light shine so brightly as to guide those groping in darkness, encumbered by chains, so that our light will pierce their blindness and they may know our Lord and choose to leave behind the chains they so desperately cling to.
The ultimate goal of life is to know God and to glorify Him. Follow Him and His light will shine through you in such a way that not even the world will be able to deny His brilliant light. He is the only Hope of the world, the Light of Life.
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